They Weren't Eating Colby Cheese

If I could retire, and if I could win the lottery, and if I could afford the gas with all that lotto money, which, by the time I win the lotto, gas will be a hundred thousand dollars a gallon. Regardless, if I had the time and money one thing I’d do is do nothing but drive around Wisconsin visiting all the towns with unique names, I would do so in a New York minute. I wonder if there is a town in New York named Minute?

Be that as it may, you probably know of a few towns in northern Wisconsin with unique, odd, or funky names. What you may not know is that our fair state is absolutely replete with interesting town names.

There are so many remarkable town names that I made up a little story for you using 67 different town names gleaned from the geography of our fair state. Most of them are north of U.S. Highway 8, but not all. Each italicized word is a town name.

It was a dark and stormy night (really) when Augusta wind rattled the Smith family serenity.
Ino that Loretta and Oliver were Gile-less regarding Tony’s Highbridge experience with Lady…Irma…Smith. But they were Slingers of truth and could not remain silent. They had to sound the Siren, and Viola! instant family soap opera.

You see, last Winter, Lady Smith’s Bloomers were found in Island Lake, instead of her Dresser. For, you see, it was a very Clear Lake. Thus, it was a chilly Enterprise when Oliver and Loretta informed Irma’s Fair…child Adam(s), who is a Potter by trade, and his brothers Stanley and Bruce and Hammond that Tony and Irma had spent some quality time together in the Abbot’s Ford. And they weren’t eating Colby cheese. Thankfully Lady Smith is Barron.

The Smith family Loyalty was shattered, resulting in severe disUnity that Fostered Embarrassment all around. It was so stressful that all four boys had to take a Knapp. But first Loretta gave them each an Almond Joy candy bar to settle their nerves and keep them from going into Shiocton.

Good news travels fast and bad news travels faster. And this story was a Hustler. Soon the Smith family cousins Hazel with her Green eyes, Cecil, Brandon, and Boyd, were considering a Niagara of options, including stuffing the Abbot into a Little Chute. By the way, there has always been some speculation that Hazel, because of her Green eyes might really be Roth(s)child. Be that as it may, the Cascade of choices for revenge was Gratiot (pardon the liberty, but this is fiction and I’m no James Frey) but the cousins Lena-d toward mercy.

Tony and Irma’s Wentwasn’tworth much after the disclosure. In fact, Tony considered fleeing to Athens or possibly Belgium, or at least Norway. (Which is actually in Michigan, but so close to Wisconsin, it counts). But, as Luck would have it, the Spirit(ual) Abbot, who was a Baldwin, called his mentor Roberts. Owen to the fact that Roberts got a Worden edgewise he Fostered civility between the antagonists. After a resounding Pepin talk the Abbot got Withee it and eschewed fleeing to Scandinavia.

It was Plain to see that the Abbot and the Lady were remorseful and so, Adam’s Friendship was Granted amidst a Cornucopia of Reserve when the sad Abbot gave everyone concerned a Wild Rose, that they all Sharon and shared alike.

And everyone lived happily ever after in the Dreamland of Wisconsin’s Dairyland.
I’m Mike Savage, and I’m Darien to be done.