MINNESOTA ENVY

A Senate Race of Our Own

I wish Wisconsin had an eternal senate race of our own.

That Dang Minnesota. They always get the good stuff.

Minnesota got Rich Gannon for a quarterback in 1992. What did Wisconsin get? That crappy
Brat Favre.

Minnesota got idealist Hubert Humphrey. We got mean Joe McCarthy.

Minnesota got the exotic and elegant loon. We got the lowly robin.

Wisconsin did win one. Minnesota got the gopher. Wisconsin the badger.
Badgers…now that’s a bad ass state animal. Way better than a gopher. What state in its right mind would want a gopher as a state animal?

Oh, I don’t know….how about a state that can’t pick a senator? I’m guessing that any state that selects the gopher as its state animal deserves to have a perpetual senate race.

You know what I wish? I wish Wisconsin’s most famous actor, Orson Wells, who was born in Kenosha, would challenge Herb Kohl or Russ Feingold in an election. That would be newsworthy enough to rid the world of Minnesota’s attention grabbing eternal senate race.

Oh, I forgot…Orson Wells is dead. But then, so is Norm Coleman. So what’s the diff?

That Minnesota. They get the good governors too, like that awesome politician and diplomacy icon, Jesse “The Body” Ventura” who wants to waterboard Dick Cheney. Wisconsin got Tommy Lafollette or was it Robert Thompson. I can’t recall…some governor….oh yeah, now I remember. Wisconsin got Nelson Dewey that famous governor who came up with the Dewey Decimal system that the whole world (except the United States) uses as a system of measurement. I may be a millimeter off on this one.

So, there you have it, I’ve got a serious case of Minnesota envy. I should just move to Minnesota and get it over with. Put an end to my miserable Wisconsin residency.

But I just can’t do it. I just love living in a land where the last word in the state is sin.

Life is good. Let’s make it better. I’m Savage, and I’m done.